“What if something happens?” blurts Veronica instead of a greeting, when I pick up the phone.
Tony and Veronica have planned an anniversary trip to Italy. In fact,Veronica has called you just three days before their departure date. She is stressed out. She’s not getting on the plane until Tony signs the estate planning documents.
Does this sound familiar?
It’s not that Tony, a highly successful dentist, doesn’t know the importance — but, for some reason, it appears that he’s dragging his feet.
Ten years ago, I would have spent my time on the phone with Tony, carefully explaining every detail to help him move forward. I’d walk him through the risks and benefits of having the right documents in place.
Over the years, I’ve learned what’s at the heart of these hangups: the emotional weight of these decisions.
I’ve learned that solely explaining the value of Tony’s estate plan or using guilt, like his spouse, won’t get him to sign. I need to make him feel safe enough to share what’s really holding him back.
As financial advisors, we often work with clients who are professionally successful and goal-oriented. These are our favorite kind of clients, making it all the more disheartening if they report feeling unsatisfied with the planning experience. The real challenge isn’t the plan itself, but the underlying emotional and communication barriers that prevent full engagement. Without addressing those deeper issues, even the best-laid plans can stall, leaving both clients and advisors frustrated.
Why is this frustration so common? Many clients who seek out financial advisors typically have a Type-A personality.
Type-A Clients Get ‘Stuck’
Our clients are often successful in their careers, highly organized, and proactive about building a support team. Their team might include a CPA, estate planner and financial planner. These clients thrive on process and structure, which aligns with their strengths.
When these driven individuals enter the financial planning process, they bring clear, well-defined goals — often centered around retirement or other key financial milestones.
Yet, these same clients often get stuck when it comes to fully implementing the plan. They may complete parts of it, but hit a roadblock with other portions — like Tony and Veronica’s estate plan. These specific hang-ups can create a chain of delays, preventing the plan from being fully realized. Clients may have anticipated a sense of closure or achievement, but after an initial high, the satisfaction fades.
The Mechanics of Change: How to Pivot
Although your clients’ plan may hit all the right financial marks, it doesn’t always deliver the skills and tools — along with the output — to deliver actual financial change. So, clients revert to their original financial thoughts, behaviors, habits and emotions around money.
The disconnect exists because the emotional journey through financial planning is much more complex. It’s not only about completing a list — it’s also about the personal and unique aspects of their money story. Without a focus on the underlying emotions and intentions that drive their money decisions, certain tasks feel overwhelming, like sinking in quicksand.
Connecting Financial Planning to Emotional Success
Financial planning is inherently task-oriented. That’s how we originally learned it from the financial industry, and it’s the approach we pass on to our clients. From step one to step seven, both the client and advisor move through a checklist of tasks: building a relationship, gathering data, analyzing the information, creating the plan, presenting it, implementing it, and monitoring it.
The problem is that clients often struggle to follow through with tasks and may even use the financial plan as a distraction instead of a tool for real change. Despite the time, money and expertise invested, many clients leave the process no better equipped to tackle their financial challenges.
As advisors, we are complicit in this failure. We, too, can be hyperfocused on completing the tasks rather than building a deeper understanding of the client’s emotional relationship with money. Without integrating those personal insights early in the process, even a perfectly structured plan can leave clients unprepared to implement it.
Emotional barriers — like fear, anxiety, shame or guilt — often prevent clients from fully engaging with or acting on their financial plan. These emotions may not be immediately apparent to the client or the advisor, and both may lack the tools to address them effectively. This can lead to frustration on both sides, as reminders to act on tasks (such as setting up an estate or life insurance plan) go unheeded.
When advisors take the time to ask deeper questions and focus on the client’s emotional journey, outcomes significantly improve due to increased client engagement and greater task completion.
My clients report higher satisfaction, as the planning process becomes more than just a checklist. Instead, the process becomes an experience that aligns their financial and emotional needs.
Transformative Communication for Clients and Advisors
Communication skills related to emotional IQ are often overlooked in financial planning, whether between the advisor and clients or within the clients’ conversations.
An example is when one partner takes the lead while the other fades into the background. This creates an imbalance that doesn’t just build tension — it also risks the entire planning process.
The issue isn’t just a lack of communication. The skills and tools needed for meaningful dialogue are also often absent. We advisors can get so caught up in the numbers — savings, investments and budgets — that we miss the importance of deeper dialogue.
Our early training often emphasizes efficiency, but this rush to complete plans can undermine the goals clients truly care about. When clients focus solely on speed, they can miss the bigger picture, leaving the information and advice less impactful.
Advisors need to pause and be willing to ask challenging questions. Equally important is giving clients room to process and think out loud. Ask yourself: Are both partners genuinely engaged? Have I created space for their goals to align? By doing this, we make the planning process more effective and avoid creating superficial plans.
We’ve all seen the statistic McKinsey has reported:: 70% of widows leave their financial advisor after losing their spouse, often because they felt overlooked during the planning process. By improving our communication skills — whether through continuing education, financial therapy or resources from the Financial Therapy Association — we can make a real difference for our clients and help serve all our clients better.
Bridging the Gap Between Finance and Emotion
Advisors are becoming more aware that financial planning involves more than just achieving targets; it’s about fostering meaningful conversations and understanding each client’s unique relationship with money. I understand that engaging with the emotional side of finances can feel risky, unfamiliar, and even awkward.
That said, embracing change is necessary. The CFP Board added financial therapy to its training, and since 2022, financial planners have been tested on this material. As millennials prepare to inherit trillions of dollars, they seek financial advisors who understand the emotional dimensions of their financial lives. The time to make this shift is now.
The Root of the Problem
After a long phone call with Tony — mostly listening — I zeroed in on Tony’s big worry. Tony felt okay with his sister-in-law, whom he admired as a mom, taking guardianship of the kids. But because of some of her past financial missteps, he didn’t want her handling the money. His solution? Separate the money and the children. He’d even floated this idea to his wife, but her strong opposition left him stuck, not wanting to stir up more conflict.
This was my cue to pull out my “financial therapy playbook” and reengage both Tony and Veronica. We talked through the pros and cons of either option. Finally, I asked Tony what was more important to him — his kids’ happiness and well-being or perfectly managed finances?
After some consideration, Tony decided he could live with his sister-in-law managing both roles and signed the paperwork. A few weeks later I got a cheerful postcard from Veronica with a casual “Ciao!”— a little victory memento from a family now more at peace.
Jonathan Kolmetz MBA, MS, CFP®, has over two decades of experience in the financial industry. He is one of a handful of professionals in the country licensed in both financial services and mental health therapy. As president of Oaks Wealth Management in Houston since February 2015, Jonathan leads the client-focused advice and asset management company. He is also the owner of Houston-based Oaks Counseling Associates PLLC, where he manages a team of therapists serving adults, couples and adolescents.
