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Editor’s note: David Leo is a longtime columnist with Rethinking65. Read more of his articles here.
David Leo
There’s something profound about reconnecting with someone you haven’t seen in decades and discovering that the essence of what drew you together remains unchanged. My recent reunion with friends after 58 years apart revealed not just the joy of rediscovering old connections, but also illuminated an important truth: Our friendships are among life’s most valuable treasures, especially as we age.
Friendships create a living tapestry of experiences that span our lifetime. Each friend holds a unique thread in the fabric of our story — some for a season, others for decades. The friends who know us across different chapters of life offer something irreplaceable: continuity in an ever-changing world.
Better Health and Well-being
Research shows that maintaining strong social connections correlates with remarkable benefits:
Lower rates of depression and anxiety.
Stronger immune function and faster recovery from illness.
Reduced cognitive decline in older age.
Longer lifespans and better quality of life.
These benefits become increasingly significant as we age, making friendship maintenance not just emotionally fulfilling but physically protective.
Long-term friends serve as mirrors reflecting our growth and evolution. They remind us of who we’ve been, celebrate who we’ve become, and sometimes gently hold us accountable to our better selves. This perspective becomes increasingly valuable in our later years when we naturally engage in life review.
The Challenge of Modern Friendship
In today’s highly mobile society, maintaining connections requires more intentional effort than in previous generations. Careers take us to different cities, family demands consume our time, and the urgent often crowds out the important. Technology simultaneously connects and disconnects us — making it easier to stay in touch superficially but sometimes harder to cultivate depth.
Yet the investment in maintaining meaningful connections pays dividends that appreciate over time.
Friendship Through the Decades
Young Adulthood: Planting Seeds
In our 20s and 30s, we often make friends easily through school, work and shared activities. This is the time to recognize which connections have the potential for longevity and to nurture them deliberately. Not every friendship will or should last forever, but some connections made during these formative years can become lifelong treasures if tended to thoughtfully.
During the busy middle decades, career advancement and family responsibilities often dominate our time and energy. This is precisely when intentional friendship maintenance becomes crucial. The friendships that survive these years often develop remarkable depth and resilience.
Later Years: Harvesting the Bounty
By our sixties, seventies and beyond, the investment in maintaining connections yields its richest returns. Long-term friends provide:
Companionship during a life stage when many experience increasing isolation.
Understanding of shared generational experiences that younger people cannot fully grasp.
Comfort in being truly known and accepted.
Support through health challenges, loss and life transitions.
As one 82-year-old recently reflected after reconnecting with friends after nearly six decades: “I felt a warmth and knowledge; they were the same kind, terrific people they were 58 years ago.”
Practical Wisdom for Lifelong Friendship
Here are a number of important points that I’ve read about and learned through the years.
For Young Adults: Building a Foundation
Identify Potential Lifelong Connections: Some friendships naturally have staying power. Notice which relationships energize you, which friends share your core values, and which connections feel authentic rather than circumstantial.
Create Traditions Early: Establish regular gatherings or check-ins that can evolve but persist through life changes.
Choose Quality Over Quantity: Deep friendships require investment. Better to nurture a manageable circle deeply than maintain dozens of shallow connections.
For All Ages: Maintaining Meaningful Bonds
Regular, Intentional Contact: Schedule recurring connections, whether monthly video calls or annual gatherings.
Mark Important Occasions: Acknowledge birthdays, anniversaries and major life events. These touchpoints maintain connection even when more frequent contact isn’t possible.
Be Genuinely Interested: Remember details about your friends’ lives and ask thoughtful follow-up questions.
Embrace Technology Wisely: Use digital tools to maintain connection without letting them replace deeper engagement.
Practice Forgiveness and Understanding: Long-term friendships will inevitably include misunderstandings and periods of distance. The capacity to forgive and reconnect strengthens the bond.
For Creating New Connections at Any Age
While maintaining existing friendships is valuable, I’ve learned that creating new connections remains important throughout life. Here are a number of ways to do this:
Follow Interests: Join groups, classes, or volunteer opportunities aligned with your passions.
Be Open to Different Types of Friendship: Intergenerational friendships offer unique perspectives.
Take the First Step: Extend invitations and show genuine interest in others.
Be Patient: Deep connections take time to develop at any age
The Courage to Reconnect
Perhaps the most powerful lesson is that it’s rarely too late to rekindle meaningful connections. Many people would welcome hearing from an old friend but hesitate to make the first move. That initial outreach — a simple message saying “I’ve been thinking about you” — can open the door to renewed connection.
In my case, one of my friends initiated the outreach that led to our recent reunion. While in Central Park during one of his visits to New York City, he saw a boy fishing in one of the park’s lakes. He then recalled how he and I fished for catfish in the Susquehanna River when we lived upstate during our twenties. He contacted me on LinkedIn, asking if I was the same David Leo … I was, I am.
The Best Returns
Whether you’re 25 or 85, today is the perfect day to send that message, make that call, or schedule that coffee date with someone who matters. The future version of yourself will thank you for it.
As we departed from dinner, I told my friends that I hope this was only the first of our contacts over the next 58 years. I told them they both remain wonderful and look great. With all sincerity, I wished them continued health, joy and happiness. It didn’t seem enough.
In his book “Happier,” one of my favorite authors, Tal Ben-Sharar, states, “The ultimate currency for a human being is happiness.” Few investments yield better returns in this ultimate currency than the time we dedicate to meaningful human connections. Full stop!
David Leo is founder of Street Smart Research Group LLC. He is an author, speaker, coach, consultant, and trainer to financial professionals. David has worked in the financial services industry for decades, originally as an engagement manager and certified business process reengineering consultant with IBM and then with UBS/Paine Webber working with financial advisors to improve their productivity before starting his own firm. If you would like more information about his services, including his “Personalization Strategic Planning” white paper, contact him at David@CoachDavidLeo.com or visit www.CoachDavidLeo.com.
