Editor’s note: Marianne Oehser is a longtime columnist with Rethinking65. Read more of her articles here.
Marianne Oehser
Retirement is a significant milestone, but what happens when one partner is ready to retire and the other isn’t?
Todd and Mary recently faced this dilemma. Todd had been a banker for nearly 40 years. He enjoyed his work but was ready to move on. Todd felt a mix of excitement and apprehension as he contemplated his retirement. Mary, a talented graphic artist, was thriving in her career and feared losing her professional identity.
Todd had a long list of things he wanted to do, and was ready to get started. However, Mary was not ready to walk away from her work. She had taken 10 years off to raise their three children and was now in the sweet spot of her career. She was in high demand.
With increasing life expectancies and diverse career trajectories, more couples find themselves navigating the complexities of staggered retirements. According to research done by Ameriprise Financial in January 2024, 62% of retirement couples staggered their retirement by a year or more.
Is it better for a couple to retire at the same time or stagger their retirement dates? It depends on whether they are both comfortable with the decision and if they have a plan for how to implement the decision.
If Todd delayed retiring until Mary was ready, he would miss years of doing what he wanted to. On the other hand, if Mary felt pressured to retire before she was ready to, it is likely that she would be resentful. They wisely sought help in making the decision. The process helped them understand each other’s needs, consider the pros and cons of their choices, and come to a decision that was good for both of them: Todd would retire in the near future and Mary would continue working for three more years. Both were happy.
A Frequent Disruptor of Plans
There are many reasons couples choose to retire at different times. Workplace dynamics is a frequent disrupter of people’s plans.
That is what happened to Nick. He worked for a healthcare company. When a new management team took over, Nick’s responsibilities changed drastically. He had originally planned to retire in two years. But he was no longer willing to put up with the new work situation so he decided he wanted to retire immediately.
Nick’s husband of 25 years, Jax, a very successful financial advisor, was unwilling to consider retiring any time soon. Nick was okay with retiring at different times but was very concerned about the impact that it could have on their relationship.
Common Challenges of Different Schedules
Nick’s concerns were legitimate. Retiring at different times can create relationship challenges and change lifestyle dynamics:
Spending
Nick plans to travel with some of his retired friends. Is Jax okay with that? Money is often a trigger for disagreement at any time in any relationship. Partners often fail to create a budget that fits with the reduced income.
Different Routines
What if Nick becomes bored while Jax is working and makes plans for the evening without consulting Jax? Sometimes the retired partner compensates for a boring day by making plans for joint activities in the evening, but the working partner is tired and not interested in participating. This can create friction on both sides.
Different Social Networks
Nick has ideas about groups he might join. Through these activities he may start building a new social network. Will this leave Jax feeling left out?
Household Roles and Responsibilities
Currently, Jax does most of the cooking. Nick knows he should take on more of the responsibility for that and other household chores. But it hasn’t been discussed.
Moving Forward
When challenges like these are not discussed, relationship issues bubble up. These concerns must be addressed through open communication and planning.
Nick addressed his concerns by creating a lifestyle plan for his retirement – we call it a “happiness portfolio.” He asked Jax for his input and he shared ideas that would make the plan work for both of them.
A happiness portfolio is a vision and plan for how retirees will invest their new-found hours so they feel happy and fulfilled. Jax and Nick both had to buy in and commit to making it work.
The key to navigating these sometimes-turbulent waters is clear and effective communication and a plan for how their new life will unfold.
How Can Financial Advisors Help?
Point Out the Challenges and Opportunities?
Start by acknowledging that retiring at different times can be a practical decision but may bring challenges that require thoughtful planning. This sets the stage for your clients to recognize the importance of preparing for these issues.
Provide them with resources to understand and manage the path ahead of them.
Foster Open and Honest Communication
Highlight the importance of open, ongoing communication between partners to navigate differences in expectations, finances, and lifestyle changes. Here are examples of questions couples can discuss:
How will we manage our finances with one income?
What are our assumptions about our life going forward?
What will our daily routines look like?
How will we nurture our connection?
Suggest Financial Planning Strategies
Budget Adjustments: Recommend that couples review and possibly revise their budget to reflect changes in income and expenses.
Professional Advice: Encourage clients to seek professional assistance in planning this new journey together. Retirement coaches are trained to do this.
Regularly Revisit the Plan: As circumstances change, remind the couple to adapt their financial and retirement strategy to ensure both partners feel supported.
Ultimately, the key to a successful staggered retirement lies in understanding each other’s needs, maintaining open communication, and having a well-thought-out plan.
For more than a decade, Marianne Oehser has been helping people live happy and fulfilling lives after their careers. She is co-founder and partner in Next Chapter Lifestyle Advisors. If you would like more information, contact Marianne Oehser at Marianne@NextChapterLifestyleAdvisors.com.
