No one likes the boss or employee who insists they are never wrong, but excessively uttering “I’m sorry” to colleagues or clients is another form of self-sabotage. Rather than coming across as caring or conciliatory, over-apologizing may project low self-esteem and incompetence‚ and undercut one’s value to their team and relationships.
Instead of repeatedly saying “I’m sorry,” try “Thank you for being patient” or “Thank you for catching that,” suggests Velera Wilson, founder and CEO of Positive Identity LLC, an Atlanta-based firm that helps leaders and teams increase confidence, impact and performance.
These “empowering alternatives” address the belief that an individual can make a mistake and still be valuable, said Wilson. And it works because “it demonstrates gratitude and keeps the tone positive.”
Wilson shared these comments while leading the Advancing Women in Leadership Workshop, “Communicating with Confidence.” The interactive workshop, for financial-services professionals, was held May 19 in Washington D.C., in conjunction with the Financial Services Institute’s (FSI) 2025 Forum and Capitol Hill Day. Wilson, an author, speaker, was formerly the director of marketing at financial-technology provider Fiserv.
“Assertive communication starts with and ends with intentional words,” Wilson told the workshop attendees, which also included several men. “Words create images … they create a perception of your confidence, your authority, your contribution.”
“Making some small tweaks to what you say and how you say it can be the difference between you being recognized as a valuable contributor,” she said, or “being frustrated about not getting recognition and being recognized.”
Additional Bad Habits and Limiting Phrases
Wilson noted that people can also undermine their credibility through other “limiting phrases.” This including frequently seeking validation (asking colleagues whether something makes sense) and by using minimizing language (telling others, “I’m just checking” rather than “I’m checking,” or saying “I’m not sure …”).
In addition, some habits she says undermine influence include uptalk (saying the last word in a sentence in a higher pitch, which makes it sounds like a question), hedging (inserting “maybe,” “sort of” and “kind of”) and inserting filler words (“um” and “like”).
People often implement these phrases and habits subconsciously, but they shouldn’t be intimidated in their journey to eliminate them, noted Wilson. “The goal is not perfection; the goal is awareness,” she said.
‘Think of Yourself as a Brand’
It’s also important to promote yourself in your organization, no matter your role, since no one knows everything you’re doing, said Wilson. “Think of yourself as a brand, a product — you’re hired to solve a problem. You want people to buy from you every single day in the workplace, even if you’re an employee,” she said. Wilson suggests embracing what she refers to as the AFTR Effect:
A – Assume people don’t know what you do or are doing.
F — Focus on the results, priorities and communication style of your listener.
T – Take credit and give credit.
R — Reiterate as often as needed — and don’t wait until a year-end review to note your accomplishments.
“Bragging is not arrogance. It’s a communication value,” said Wilson.
Reduce Tension and Conflict
Wilson also devoted much of the workshop to how to manage difficult conversations and situations. One of her suggestions, “fogging,” involves agreeing to some part of someone’s response while avoiding a defensive or aggressive response. She also suggests “negative inquiry” — asking questions to get more useful feedback.
One attendee shared that the last person she had to let go made the process easy because when she asked this employee, “’If you were me, what would you do in this situation?’ they said, ‘I would fire me.’”
Wilson and others also discussed the need to give people concrete examples of problems observed, rather than high-level comments that might be viewed as a personal attack.
“After trying to tell them about the good qualities about them, I would also say, ‘There are some blind spots that you may be missing that are impacting the team. Here’s what I’ve seen …’” another workshop attendee relayed.
Attendees also offered other suggestions for more confident communication, including saying “Thank you for waiting for me” instead of “Sorry I’m late,” and “I’m available at [a specific time]” instead of “If you are free …”
Inviting Staffers into the Conversation
While conversing after the workshop, I asked Wilson how she suggests getting more junior staff members involved in discussions and decision-making, especially if they seem hesitant or intimidated by management or more senior staff.
“Sometimes when people are newer or more junior, they may think that their opinions or thoughts are not as valuable or they don’t know enough to share,” Wilson replied. “Invite them into the conversation. Ask them, ‘What are your thoughts? What do you think about this?’ And get them comfortable with sharing, as opposed to just assuming they need to stay on the outskirts of the conversation.”
Jerilyn Klein is editorial director of Rethinking65.
