The average adult American spends $2,279 on dates every year and pays a total of $168 per date — an “all-in” figure including everything from grooming to gas.
That’s according to the BMO Real Financial Progress Index, released in anticipation of Valentine’s Day, which looks at how much singles and couples spend to find love or keep that romantic spark alive.
Those in a relationship report that they needed a median 10 dates before they committed. That means singles spend $1,678 on average to find that special someone.
Americans are responding to these costs by adjusting and even scaling back their dating. The survey found that 44% of adults without a partner adjusted a date for financial reasons, while 27% canceled for those reasons.
“It’s clear that dating or being in a relationship today comes with pressure to spend which can affect how well people are able to stay on track for their goals,” Paul Dilda, Head of U.S. Consumer Strategy at BMO, said in a news release. “Healthy communication among couples about their finances builds trust, and making use of financial experts and tools — including your bank — to help with budgeting and saving can help keep money conversations on track so that Valentine’s Day and other investments in your relationship don’t leave your financial progress in the red.”
Gen Z spend the most on a date, $194 per night out, compared with Millennials ($191), Gen X ($172) and Baby Boomers ($127). With Gen Zers going on a median of almost 14 dates in 2024, they spent about $2,676 last year. Among Gen Z singles, 46% report pressure to go on expensive dates.
Singles don’t pay as much for “situationships.” They go on more dates but spend less than couples per date. Couples spend $28 more per date than singles.
Millennial men in couple relationships spend the most: An average date costs $252 for them.
Most respondents agree that financial responsibility is the most attractive trait.
There’s a disconnect in evaluating finance and romance; 44% of adults not in a relationship say their net worth affects their dating prospects, but net worth is not a top factor for them in evaluating a potential partner.
The most attractive financial traits are financial responsibility (96%), willingness to talk about money (94%), and a good financial plan (92%). Other top traits are a successful career trajectory (86%), high credit score (83%), home ownership (73%) and a good-paying job (73%).
The right time to start discussing money is when a committed relationship begins, according to 39% of respondents, with just 10% saying the money talk should begin after the first few dates.
Among committed couples, 11% rarely or never discuss household finances. Only 55% say they share equal responsibility for meeting with their professional financial advisor.
And 25% of those in a committed relationship say they sometimes omit things that make them look bad when discussing money. About 10% say they either occasionally or regularly lie outright.
More than half of adults — 54% — reported they are “not very or not at all” financially honest with their partners, while only 29% were “very” honest. Honesty and good relationships go hand in hand. Those who are very financially honest with their partners go on a median eight dates per year, compared with the five dates per year for habitually dishonest partners.
“Instead of feeling the need to spend heavily to impress a new partner or a long-term significant other, Americans should keep in mind that financial progress fundamentals like having a financial plan, being responsible with money, and having honest conversations can be as important to attraction and a happy, healthy relationship as expensive and grand romantic gestures,” Dilda said.
Spending is a source of conflict in the relationships of 36% of Americans, both among couples that split their finances and those that handle their finances separately. In fact, 42% say their partner spends too much. Among Millennials, that number is 53%.
Couples that share their finances are more likely to be aligned on financial planning, goals and spending habits. In a comparison of couples with integrated finances versus those whose finances are separate, agreement with the following questions is:
Compatible in their financial goals (85% vs. 73%)
More likely to agree on if and how their financial goals need to change (88% vs. 79%)
More likely to feel comfortable discussing money with each other (90% vs. 78%)
Couples who share finances with disparate income levels tend to find greater harmony. Only 29% say different levels of income cause stress in their relationship, compared with 36% who don’t share finances.
“The data suggests that eliminating the line between ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ can help couples live in financial harmony,” Dilda said. “It may sound like a recipe to create bickering, but bringing more financial transparency into your relationship may actually help increase your odds for happily ever after.”
