Editor’s note: Kathleen Rehl is a columnist for Rethinking65. Read more of her articles here.
Kathleen Rehl
Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Each set out to build a home — one of straw, one of sticks, and one of bricks. You know the rest: A hungry wolf huffs and puffs, and in the end, only one house is left standing.
It’s a familiar fairy tale, but for those of us who guide individuals in planning their financial and philanthropic futures, it also serves as a surprisingly apt metaphor — especially regarding legacy planning.
Clients often have sincere charitable intentions. They want to do good and leave something meaningful behind. But when those plans are vague or casually constructed, they’re as vulnerable as a straw house in a stiff wind.
As professional advisors — financial planners, attorneys, CPAs, trust officers, nonprofit development professionals, and family officers — we sometimes hesitate to walk into this part of the forest. We worry we’ll step on toes, exceed legal boundaries, or drift into “personal” territory. But when it comes to legacy conversations, our role is not invasive. It’s essential.
We’re not the wolf. We’re part of the construction crew.
The Straw House: Good Intentions Without Structure
Many clients say things like, “I’d like to leave something to charity someday,” or “Maybe the kids can figure it out.” These are heartfelt desires, but without structure or follow-through, such intentions often blow away — scattered by taxes, family disagreements, or simple forgetfulness.
Advisor Action Points and Questions
Here’s how advisors can help shore up these straw-house intentions:
Ask your clients, “Can you tell me more about why this cause is meaningful to you?” or “What would success look like for your giving?”
Use follow-up questions to draw out specifics. For example: “Have you thought about when or how you’d want to give?” or “Who would you want involved in stewarding your gift if you’re not around?”
Encourage clients to move from vague intentions to defined goals by creating a legacy mission statement that reflects their values. This graphic shows six key questions that may help shape their focus.
“Straw house” plans may look fine on the outside, but a single gust — an unexpected life event, a health crisis, or a market downturn — can collapse them entirely.
When we, as advisors and gift planners, ask thoughtful questions and encourage clients to clarify their values, we help shore up that fragile framework. We help turn wishful thinking into lasting impact.
The Stick House: Still Cracks in the Foundation
Some clients take the next step. They might write a bequest into their will or name a nonprofit as a beneficiary on an IRA. That’s progress — but it’s not always sufficient.
While stick houses are sturdier than straw, they often lack the resilience needed for real-world complexity. Life changes, asset types shift, and tax laws evolve. Sometimes, clients make well-meaning but flawed decisions without understanding the long-term implications.
This is where our collective expertise matters. Financial advisors bring perspective on income needs, assets held, and tax efficiency. Attorneys bring legal clarity. CPAs ensure strategic tax decisions. Trust officers offer insight into fiduciary oversight. Nonprofit development professionals help communicate a donor’s intent and connect their gift to meaningful impact. Together, we reinforce the plan, transforming sticks into bricks.
Advisor Action Points and Questions
Here’s how advisors can help strengthen these plans and avoid cracks in the foundation:
Ask your clients, “When was the last time you reviewed your beneficiary designations?” or “How confident are you that your gift will be used as you intend?”
Use this opportunity to involve other professionals. Start by asking, “Have you discussed this with your attorney or CPA recently?”
Consider a checklist review for client documents to ensure alignment between charitable intent and execution.
The Brick House: A Legacy That Endures
The third pig took the time and care to build a house of bricks — solid, enduring, and built to withstand any storm.
Guide clients through a “legacy blueprint” exercise: “What are your top three values, and how would you want those reflected in your giving?”
Ask, “What would you want your children or grandchildren to understand about why you gave this way?”
Integrate planned-giving discussions into broader estate-planning reviews — brick-by-brick.
When we engage clients in conversations about giving, we aren’t overstepping — we’re building. We help clients define what “legacy” means to them and translate that vision into a plan that will stand the test of time.
Advisors as Architects: Creating Something Meaningful Together
Legacy planning isn’t a solo job; it’s a collaborative effort. Attorneys, accountants, financial planners, trust officers and nonprofit gift planners each play vital roles in constructing a thoughtful and effective legacy.
We collaborate and incorporate charitable giving into the conversation to create plans that align legal documents, financial goals and philanthropic dreams. The result? A legacy home that’s not only sturdy but beautiful.
Looking for ideas inspired by several planned gifts from clients I’ve assisted? Watch this one-minute video created for The American College of Financial Services, which includes a dozen examples.
No Toes Stepped On — Just Hands Lifting Together
It’s time to dispel the myth that talking about charitable gifts means treading where we don’t belong. On the contrary, these conversations empower our clients to articulate their values, care for their loved ones, and make a difference in the causes they cherish.
When we open the door to legacy giving, we aren’t replacing the estate planner, accountant, or nonprofit. We’re inviting them in.
The big bad wolf is real. He comes in many forms: procrastination, confusion, market volatility, and, yes, even family dynamics. But when we help our clients build legacies with intention — one brick at a time — we shelter them from those storms.
And that’s not just a fairy tale. That’s real.
A Foundation for Meaningful Impact
Advisors who want to deepen their client conversations can start by asking questions and then continue with follow-up inquiries to extend those discussions. Here are a few more questions to try:
“Can you share a memory of a time when giving felt especially meaningful to you?”
“How would you want your gift to make someone else feel?”
“What concerns do you have about using your gift as you hope?”
Posing intentional questions like these reveals deeper client motivations, builds trust and reinforces your role as a caring, collaborative guide. For advisors looking to help their clients further think about and articulate their legacy wishes, I invite you to share my booklet “Legacy Lifeprint™ Letters & Stories.”
Encourage your clients to build their legacy houses with intention and strength. Don’t shy away from the charitable conversation—lead it. Working together, we can help clients give meaningful legacy gifts that truly make a difference.
Kathleen M. Rehl, PhD, CFP®, CeFT® Emeritus, wrote the award-winning book “Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows.” She owned Rehl Financial Advisors for 18 years before launching an encore career empowering widows through her writing, speaking, research, and mentoring. Now “reFired,” Rehl also writes legacy stories and assists nonprofits. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger’s, CNBC, and more. She’s an adjunct at The American College of Financial Services. Several free tools for advisors can be found on her website at www.kathleenrehl.com.
Kathleen M. Rehl, PhD, CFP®, CeFT® Emeritus, wrote the award-winning book “Moving Forward on Your Own: A Financial Guidebook for Widows.” She owned Rehl Financial Advisors for 18 years before launching an encore career empowering widows through her writing, speaking, research, and mentoring. Now “reFired,” Rehl also writes legacy stories and assists nonprofits. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Kiplinger’s, CNBC, and more. She’s an adjunct at The American College of Financial Services. Several free tools for advisors can be found on her website at www.kathleenrehl.com.